I pull my long, dark brown hair back into a ponytail and gaze into the mirror. Can’t miss any strands. Yes, they’re all neatly pulled back…or so I think. Mom walks in and as she pulls me close to give me a hug to calm my nerves, she says “Oops! You missed a few strands at the back.” I thank her as I re-tie my hair, perfectly this time. Appearing messy for my interview is the last thing I need. This one is really important - one that could really change things for me. God knows I need this scholarship to be able to afford graduate school and get that masters in sociology. I’ve only been working towards it ever since the day I discovered what sociology was. I flatten down the front of my freshly ironed black skirt and check my reflection in the mirror once more. “Ok. I’m ready.”
Questions begin popping into my head as I step out the door and into the car. Perhaps I should explain that I do have knack for having random thoughts about random things that jump out at me every so often. Just the other day, it crossed my mind how impossible it is for us to trace our own shadow. Anyway, this is simply another one of those ‘random thought’ moments. “Isn’t it weird that so many job offers, scholarships, etc. are based on interviews? I mean, a person could totally fake everything – their thoughts, feelings, and even their very appearance. I guess it isn’t very likely, but still…so much depends on this ‘first impression’ that you make at an interview.
I’m really quite a private person. What I choose to divulge to a person about myself (and how much of it), is really up to me. They are free to ask me whatever they choose to, yet I too am unafraid to exercise my liberty of not answering, or even to make up answers based on what I think is appropriate. In a sense, I have a big influence over how these people end up perceiving me. Wow! I could create such mistaken, misplaced, incorrect views on these people. No one really truly knows me, except myself…and God. Friends and family may know certain parts of me better than others, but only God fully knows me.”
I pull out of the driveway, and my thoughts continue to race along. I know that I am definitely guilty of being different people at different times; pulling forward different characteristics of mine to suit the situation and the people who I am around. Does this mean that I have a weak character and am confused with my real self? What is my real self? Is it the person I am when I am at home or the person I am when I’m with my friends? Or does my real self show when I’m all alone? Hmmm…maybe this all comes back to trying to trace my own shadow. Maybe I don’t know my real self and never will.” I suddenly notice the bright, red STOP sign and pull the car to an abrupt halt.
I pause. I look right. I look left. Then right again. I gently step on the accelerator, easing my way forward. “So, I guess it is possible that I don’t really know myself – I guess that makes sense, since I am constantly changing. Yet, that really is a scary thought! Everyone is constantly asking me what I want, etc, etc. But how would I know what I want if I don’t even know myself? Well, I guess that to some extent, it’s based on what I like and don’t like.”
One…two….three green lights I pass in silence. The silence breaks. “Well, maybe I just won’t fully know myself as long as I’m changing and as long as I can’t step out of myself and understand myself with my own understanding, yet be detached from myself. I guess I don’t even know if that is, or ever will be, possible.”
I pull into the car park which looks full, but then I see the last empty lot, right in the corner and I pull in there. So many thoughts and questions are still on my mind, but it’s time to put them aside and prepare myself for my interview. “I’ll just do as mom said and answer everything as honestly as I can,” I say to myself and take a couple deep breaths. I take one more. Walking onto the floor lined with offices, I pass a huge framed picture, but don’t look at it. I don’t look at it…I knew that my reflection was gazing back at me...for I would be tempted to look into it rather than at it. I have prepared myself; there’s no need to cast and shadow of doubt by gazing at my appearance.
Five…ten…fifteen minutes fly by, and I am called in for the interview. I do my very best, answering the questions just as mom had advised me to – honestly.
Interview completed, I feel a sense of relief as I walk out and make my way out of the building. I pass by the big picture again, but this time I stop to look at it. I see words. I see words? I guess I’m actually looking at the picture instead of looking into it. I look closer, and see the words that read three verses from the Bible:
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Critical Commentary on Daenielle John’s “Inter-view”In her story, the author Daenielle John deals with one of the many issues of life. Who are we and will we ever know? We can assume that this is somewhat like an autobiography, and that the “I” in the story is the author referring to herself. The actual story here is rather vague and more focus is placed on the internal thoughts of the main character. This story is rather simple, where the author’s main character, who remains unnamed, is in front of the mirror checking her appearance before leaving for an important interview. At that point, her mother enters, fixes her daughter’s hair and gives her encouragement. After this point, the mother is only mentioned towards the end where the daughter remembers her mother’s words. It is important here to notice that the only characters in the story are female and neither of them is named. They do, however, have obvious roles as the mother and the daughter.
This story gives us some insight to the author’s life. Firstly, she is student of sociology and intends to pursue graduate level education in this field. Also, there is some important significance of 1 Corinthians 13:11-13 to John and for some specific reason, she has chosen to base her story on these verses.
Interestingly, when summarized, the whole story can be seen in the final few lines of the story, which the author quotes from 1 Corinthians 13:11-12. This meaning of these verses is introduced very appropriately right at the beginning, when the protagonist doesn’t see the few strands that she missed. Her mother however, sees them immediately as she comes into the room. From connecting this to the bible passage, it is fair to assume that the author is using the mother in her story to represent God and the daughter, also the author herself, to represent a child of God. Her whole story builds on this concept of her looking at herself, but not really seeing herself fully. But then the moment God takes a look at her, he notices and corrects her.
Later on in this story, we learn from the daughter that the mother (Godly figure) had advised the daughter about what to do for the interview – to tell the truth. This again reflects Godly character and the daughter choosing to take this advice, shows that the daughter accepts the authority of her mother and God over her life. The mother in Inter-view is portrayed as a loving person who cares for her daughter. Her reason for coming into her daughter’s room, according to the author, was not to point out the strands of hair that she had missed, but to give her daughter a hug of encouragement.
John goes though an interesting cycle in her story. She begins with this realization that she has the choice to be someone other than herself and this gives her a feeling of power. But then, she questions whether she would still really be herself if she did this. This leads the author to her main question which is whether she really knows herself or not. She then goes on to talk about the many times that she has been different people. Towards the end, there is the acceptance of the author that she doesn’t really know who she is. She finally resigns herself to the fact that only God really knows who she is.
There is much symbolism in this story. The protagonist’s thoughts are parallel to what goes on with her driving. For instance, when the author comes to the realization that she might not know herself as she thought she did, she is startled and at the same time, her car comes to a halt. In this sense her thoughts and her physical environment are intertwined. Another instance is when the full car park, reflecting the many thoughts on her mind.
It is also important to question why the author chose to begin and end with her standing in front of something that will reflect her image. At the beginning, it’s the mirror. This story ends though with her gazing at a glass, framed picture with words that explained her very situation. This ending, although similar to the beginning, is very different as the author doesn’t look at her reflection in the picture, but instead gazes at the words that are there, understanding the meaning that they carry. She ignores the reflection of herself that she could choose to look at. John is trying to make a point here. Somewhere along the drive to the interview, there was a change in the author. She realized that it was, to some degree, pointless to ‘look in the mirror’ and this is demonstrated when she walked past the picture the first time around. The author implies in the story that it would be in the protagonist’s nature to stop and look, but she went against this expectation of herself.
In addition to all the symbolism in this story, the author also mentions the number three, three times. The first is in relation to the three green lights that the author drives past on her way to the interview. The second time she uses the number three is slightly more subtle. Before she goes in for the interview, John writes that the protagonist takes two breaths and then one more. Finally, right at the end, the author quotes 3 verses from the bible. We can only guess that this number is used repeatedly because of its sacred significance in relation to the trinity.
This story ties in very closely to the form Gregorian chant of the middle ages. At that time, like in John’s story, the number three is very important because of its relationship to the divine. Although music at this time is seem as Apollonian in nature, John’s story is more Dionysian in the sense that it appeals more to the emotions. In addition to that, this story can be looked at more from a contextualist perspective as this narrative can be understood through symbolism and metaphor. Finally, besides having some Gregorian chant characteristics to it, John’s story also can be tied in to the Baroque period through the work of McClary. Gender is seen as being important in this story, especially as the only characters mentioned in this story are female, and also because the mother in this story is figurative for God. Therefore, in musical terms, Inter-view has some qualities that make it like Gregorian chant and some that fit it into the Baroque period.
The core message of John’s Inter-view is that what we think we see of ourselves is really a tainted view, therefore, we must accept, just as the author did, that we do not know ourselves; only God does. However, there is hope from looking at 1 Corinthians 13:12 . Although we do not know ourselves now, there will come a day when we see ourselves as we really are.
Note: This was my final project for my humanities class. This is what I've been busy with guys, so please do excuse the lack of posts.
