Food fo Avoid on Your First Date

Oscar Wilde once said, “It is a very poor consolation to be told that the man who has given one a bad dinner or poor wine is irreproachable in private life. Even cardinal virtues cannot atone for half-cold entrees.”

But riddle me this, Oscar: Can cardinal virtues atone for, say, garlic dragon breath on a first date?


With Valentine's day just around the corner, i thought this advice i found on a website might actually prove to be useful:

You don’t have to be a Wilde-esque literary genius to recognize that it’s a turn-off to watch (or smell) your date getting weird with food (or drink) during your initial get-together. Nobody likes to see their guy digging into his mouth with a toothpick, or their girl begging, pleading, screaming for a curiously strong mint; it just ain’t dignified. If you want to maintain your dignity – or, at the very least, exponentially increase your chances for a good-night kiss – here are a few foodstuffs to avoid during an early-in-the-relationship date:

Spinach
The king of all stick-in-your-teeth veggies. I defy you to eat it without getting a hunk wedged in your molars. The bummer is that spinach totally yummy. Sigh...

Lobster
Do you really want to wear a bib on your first date?

Anything loaded with Thai chili peppers
This one requires an anecdote: Many years ago, I went to a bachelor party where the first stop was a local Thai joint. One of the groom’s hammer-headed co-workers insisted on eating a chili pepper from his spicy chicken. He plucked the pepper up with his hands, shoved it into his mouth, and took a big ol’ chomp. Three seconds later, his head imploded. So why take a chance? After all, it’s virtually impossible to kiss with an imploded head.

Beans
After all, they are the musical fruit.

Ribs
Let’s face it, no matter how awesome your outfit may be, or how excellent your hair looks, you can’t come off as cool or suave with a face covered in barbecue sauce and a row of teeth filled with bits of “the other white meat.”

Crab
Same basic principle as ribs, except sans BBQ sauce.

Schnapps
Comedian/actor Denis Leary once called schnapps “the crack of alcohol” and then added that a few shots will turn you into the Tasmanian Devil. Last time I looked, the Tasmanian Devil didn’t have a girlfriend.

Onion soup
A few spoonfuls of this stuff, and your sweat will smell like Georgia Vidalias.

An “up all night”
A frightening concoction comprised of a can of certain energy drink, and a shot of a certain green, medicine-tasting alcohol treat. Tastes bad, smells bad, and makes you act bad.

Corn on the cob
Like spinach, this stuff gets lodged in your teeth; like crab and ribs, you can’t help but look semi-dorkish when you eat it. This, my friends, is what we call the worst of both worlds. (Note: Corn on the cob is often found on the menu at a rib joint. I hope this doesn’t raise the dander of the National Pork Board, but you probably shouldn’t eat ribs and their accoutrements until at least date number five.)