How Many Dimensions Are There?

We know the first three dimensions, and the fourth is time. What is the fifth dimension and how many are there in total? Is God a dimension of His own?

It's All About Endorphins

Talk about feeling happy!

I payed Fitness First at The Curve a visit yesterday, as a friend of mine had a free cupon. Wow...we spent more than two hours in the gym. I tried out all sorts of new equipment, some of which I don't know the name. Anyway, I had a good long jog on the treadmill for about half an hour and then we moved on to other things, including weights and the works...

After about one and a half hours of solid workout, we went to the sauna and the steam room. Gosh, I had forgotten how much I love saunas. I felt so amazingly fresh after my shower and the whole thing really did pay off. Plus, my skin is extra smooth...seems so much more healthy!

Today's the first day in a while that I feel so energetic and cheerful. In fact, I don't think I've yawned even once today at work, which is something extremely unusual. Surprisingly yet fortunately, my muscles aren't aching too bad. I feel good! Oh, I suppose I should mention that the gym I went to had an array of facilities that functioned well and were well maintained. The atmosphere of the place is very welcoming and the staff are cool people. I had an awesome time. YAY!

Climb Every Mountain

Mount Kinabalu, Poring Hot Spring and Island Adventure (4 days 3 nights)
24-27 April 2005, Fee per person – RM370 (excluding meals)


24 April (Sunday) – Transfer from Sandakan to Poring Hot Spring at 0800 hrs. On arrival, proceed to canopy walk through nature trails of the lowland forest. Observe wildlife and the tropical rainforest canopy. You may be able to see birds and butterflies that fly below you. After that you can soak yourself in the skin-curative properties of a hot sulphur Japanese style hot bath. Transfer to Kinabalu Park.

25 April (Monday) – After breakfast, transfer to the start of the summit trail at the Timpohon Hut at 1866.4m. Trek up to Laban Rata at 3597m. Along the way, look out for the pitcher plants and orchids. Dinner and over night at Laban Rata Resthouse.

26 April (Tuesday) – Arise at 0200 hrs, proceed from Laban Rata to the summit. You should arrive in time for sunrise. Descend from the summit at 0700 hrs and have breakfast at the Resthouse before descending to the Park. Transfer to Kota Kinabalu and check in at the Hotel in Kota Kinabalu. Wash up then transfer to the famous Tanjung Aru beach for a sumptuous seafood dinner.

27 April (Wednesday) – After breakfast, transfer to Jetty for boat ride to Manukan Island. You can snorkel, swim or relax on the beach or take a walk around the island. Return to Kota Kinabalu at 1500 hrs and transfer to All Saints’ Church for wash up. Transfer to Filipino Market Bazaar at 1630 hrs. Transfer to Kota Kinabalu Terminal 2 (Air Asia) at 1800 hrs.


This trip is gonna hold quite a few first’s for me. First time climbing a mountain (my next target is reaching the village of Nangi in Nepal), first time going to East Malaysia, first time visiting hot springs…I’m sure I’ll have a whole list by the time I get back.

Nature's Got My Attention Again

I love...

The wind, especially when it sends light chills down my spine.
The fragrance of freshly cut grass.
The sound of waves by the beach.
Clear, cold water crashing down at a waterfall.
Wind blowing through pine trees.
Sunsets.
Sunrises too, but I'm barely ever awake.
Starry night skies.
Fresh air-not easy to find nowadays.
Catching leaves as they fall.
Baby animals.
Trees thick with green leaves.
Sparkling blue water through which you can see corrals.
Weeping willows-all the time!
The crunching of dried leaves under my feet.
The sound of wind rustling through tall grass.
White fluffy clouds in the sky.
Lightning flashing through the sky.
The gentle pitter patter of rain.
Buttercups, daffodils.

Learning How To Learn

People learn in different ways depending on many various factors such as age and personality. Nonetheless, is it more beneficial to an individual to learn from experiance or to learn from other people's experiances? When I was a kid...about 3 years old, dad told me not to touch the oven cuz it was hot. I touched it anyway because I wanted to find out for myself. I got burned and burst out into tears; but I never touched a hot oven since.

I have always had a slightly rebellious side...one which many are possibly unaware of. I like to learn from my own mistakes and not just listen to how I shouldn't do something because it was bad for someone else. Of course when I speak of this, I am dealing with issues that are grey, and not that which is black or white. For that would be foolish. Killing a person to see what it's like is just plain wrong and stupid.

I think that some people prefer to accept the advice of those who have been through a similar situation, while some people, like me perhaps, prefer to walk the path ourselves. Nonetheless, there is a risk of falling down and never getting up again, so that is something to be cautious and aware of.

As long as you manage to pull through a difficulty or problem or whatever, you get stronger...I dare say stronger than if you didn't go through that trial. So the process of falling down and pulling yourself back up again actually strengthens your personality and character. But then again, it is a more difficult path as it might seem that you're looking for trouble. Many people have been known to get lost along this difficult path.

The smoother path would be taking advice and travelling easier...not stumbling as frequently. But do you come out as strong as the person who has stumbled many more times?

I don't believe that one way is necessarily better than the other. I think it depends a lot on the individual. I'm sure it's possible to even switch back and forth between both methods of learning. Anyhow, it's important that you know yourself and are aware of your preferance of learning.

Note: I got my 'rebellion' from dad.

The Three-Personal God

Note: I was reading this chapter and I found some of Lewis' explanations very helpful. If it applies, do read. If it doesn't, feel free to skip this post because some of the issues he deals with could be considered sensitive.


"A good many people nowadays say, 'I believe in a God, but not in a personal God.' They feel that the mysterious something which is behind all other things must be more than a person. Now the Christians quite agree. But the Christians are the only people who offer any idea of what a being that is beyond personality could be like. All the other people, though they say that God is beyond personality, really think of Him as something impersonal: that is, as something less than personal. If you are looking for something super-personal, something more than a person, then it is not a question of choosing between the Christian idea and other ideas. The Christian idea is the only one on the market.

Again, some people think that after this life, or perhaps after several lives, human souls will be ‘absorbed’ into God. But when they try to explain what they mean, they seem to be thinking of our being absorbed into God as one material thing is absorbed into another. They say it is like a drop of water slipping into the sea. But of course, that is the end of the drop. If that is what happens to us, then being absorbed is the same as ceasing to exist. It is only the Christians who have any idea of how human souls can be taken into the life of God and yet remain themselves – in fact, be very much more themselves than they were before.

I warned you that Theology is practical. The whole purpose for which we exist is to be thus taken into the life of God. Wrong ideas about what that life is will make it harder. And now, for a few minutes, I must ask you to follow rather carefully.

You know that in space you can move in three ways – to left or right, backwards or forwards, up or down. Every direction is either one of these three or a compromise between them. They are called the three Dimensions. Now notice this. If you are using only one dimension, you could draw only a straight line. If you are using two, you could draw a figure: say, a square. And a square is made up of four straight lines. Now a step further. If you have three dimensions, you can then build what we call a solid body: say, a cube – a thing like a dice or a lump of sugar. And a cube is made up of six squares.

Do you see the point? A world of one dimension would be a straight line. In a two-dimensional world, you still get straight lines, but many lines make one figure. In a three-dimensional world, you still get figures but many figures make one solid body. In other words, as you advance to more real and more complicated levels, you do not leave behind you the things you found on the simpler levels: you still have them, but combined in new ways – in ways you could not imagine if you knew only the simpler levels.

Now the Christian account of God involves just the same principle. The human level is a simple and rather empty level. On the human level one person is one being, and any two persons are two separate beings – just as, in two dimensions (say on a flat sheet of paper) one square is one figure and any two squares are two separate figures. On the Divine level you still find personalities; but up there you find them combined in new ways which we, who do not live on that level, cannot imagine. In God’s dimension, so to speak, you find a being who is three Persons while remaining one Being, just as a cube is six squares while remaining one cube. But we can get a sort of faint notion of it. And when we do, we are then, for the first time in our lives, getting some positive idea, however faint, of something super-personal – something more than a person. It is something we could never have guessed, and yet, once we have been told, one almost feels one ought to have been able to guess it because it fits so well with all the things we know already.

You may ask, ‘If we cannot imagine a three-personal Being, what is the good of talking about Him?’ Well, there isn’t any good talking about Him. The thing that matters is being actually drawn into that three-personal life, and that may begin any time – tonight, if you like.

What I mean is this. An ordinary simple Christian kneels down to say his prayers. He is trying to get into touch with God. But if he is a Christian he knows that what is prompting him to pray is also God: God, so to speak, inside him. But he also knows that all his real knowledge of God comes through Christ, the Man who was God – that Christ is standing beside him, helping him to pray, praying for him. You see what is happening. God is the thing to which he is praying – the goal he is trying to reach. God is also the thing inside him, which is pushing him on – the motive power. God is also the road or bridge along which he is being pushed to that goal. So that the whole threefold life of the three-personal Being is actually going on in that ordinary little bedroom where an ordinary man is saying his prayers. The man is being caught up into the higher kinds of life – what I called Zoe or spiritual life: he is being pulled into God, by God, while still remaining himself.

And that is how Theology started. People already knew about God in a vague way. Then came a man who claimed to be God; and yet He was not the sort of man you could dismiss as a lunatic. He made them believe Him. They met Him again after they had seen Him killed. And then, after they had been formed into a little society or community, they found God somehow inside them as well: directing them, making them able to do things they could not do before. And when they worked it all out they found they had arrived at the Christian definition of the three-personal God.

This definition is not something we have made up; Theology is, in a sense an experimental science. It is simple religions that are the made-up ones. When I say it is an experimental science ‘in a sense’, I mean that it is like the other experimental sciences in some ways, but not in all. If you are a geologist studying rocks, you have to go and find the rocks. They will not come to you, and if you go to them they cannot fun away. The initiative lies all on your side. They cannot either help or hinder. But suppose you are a zoologist and want to take photos of wild animals in their native haunts. That is a bit different from studying rocks. The wild animals will not come to you: but they can run away from you. Unless you keep very quiet, they will. There is beginning to be a tiny little trace of initiative on their side.

Now a stage higher; suppose you want to get to know a human person. If he is determined not to let you, you will not get to know him. You have to win his confidence. In this case, the initiative is equally divided – it takes two to make a friendship. When you come to knowing God, the initiative lies on His side, if He does not show Himself, nothing you can do will enable you to find Him. And, in fact, He shows much more of Himself to some people than to others – not because He has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.

You can put this another way by saying that while in other sciences the instruments you use are things external to yourself (things like microscopes and telescopes), the instrument through which you see God is your whole self. And if a man’s self is not kept clean and bright, his glimpse of God will be blurred – like the Moon seen through a dirty telescope. That is why horrible nations have horrible religions: they have been looking at God through a dirty lens.

God can show Himself as He really is only to real men. And that means not simply to men who are individually good, but to men who are united together in body, loving one another; helping one another, showing Him to one another. For that is what God meant humanity to be like; like players in one band, or organs in one body.

Consequently, the one really adequate instrument for learning about God is the whole Christian community, waiting for Him together. Christian brotherhood is, so to speak, the technical equipment for the science – the laboratory outfit. That is why all these people who turn up every few years with some patent simplified religion of their own as a substitute for Christian tradition are really wasting time. Like a man who has no instrument but an old pair of field glasses setting out to put all the real astronomers right. He may be a clever chap – he may be cleverer than some of the real astronomers, but he is not giving himself a chance. And two years later everyone has forgotten all about him, but the real science is still going on.

If Christianity was something we were making up, of course we could make it easier. But is it not. We cannot compete in simplicity, with people who are inventing religions. How could we? We are dealing with Fact. Of course anyone can be simple if he has no facts to bother about."

C.S.Lewis, Mere Christianity

A Bit of This and That

We WON!!!

As far as I know, it's the first time in the history of my high school that we have gotten first for the district level netball tournament. In my last two years of high school, we placed second and that was already quite an achievement as it was the first time we reached the finals. Congradulations team!

Well, looks like here endeth netball for me...at least for the time being. Sad but true...

I've been going through some ups and downs related to various different issues over the past few weeks, but I want to thank all those dear friends of mine who have been there to offer support, advice and just help me along the way by encouraging me. It really has helped.

To those of you who are interested in knowing what's happening with my university application process, you should know that I've gotten quite a bit of financial aid from Baylor University.(More than half of the total cost.) I'm not quite sure if it's gonna be enough but I am very thankful for what I have been offered. I figure that God has it all planned out so I shall trust Him and hope for the best. In the meantime, I'm still waiting for news from Furman regarding my application and I'm waiting to hear from Goshen regarding my financial aid offer. Please pray for me. Thanks you guys...

Note: Any suggestions on how to deal with skin that is sunburnt and thus sore? My shoulders are killing me...

The American Indian

I'm officially red!

It's netball season once again and so I'm back, helping coach my junior team from school. I'm realizing more and more how much this sport means to me. I can say that no matter how I'm feeling emotionally, netball can definately cheer me up...even when ice cream doesn't work.

So far, the team's doing really good. They've won all their games and have improved so much from when I first started working with them: four years ago. They are really amazing individuals bursting with talent and I love working with them.

The district level tournament has been going on for two whole days now and tomorrow is the semi finals and finals. I'm already sun burnt from being out in the sun for two days straight and tomorrow's just gonna add more shine to my already red skin. My voice is rather hoarse too from all the yelling from the sidelines...that's what happens when you try to keep me off the court during the game. Well, that's netball; something that I know I'm truly passionate about. I'm really gonna miss playing once I go to the States though...not many people there have heard of the game. Looks like this is my last season...

Note: I've gotten over 4000 hits on my site. Thanks you guys...and keep coming back.

apathy

I finally know what this feels like. For some reason, I seem to have lost interest in so many things. Even things that I usually look forward to don't excite or cheer me up anymore.

I feel so blank in a sense...









Leaving for the U.S. will probably help, but I have yet to hear from one more university. Still waiting but I'm rather apathetic about it. For some reason I don't really care about whether I get accepted or not...but at the same time, I know I do.

Hopefully it's just a phase and I'll get over it soon. In the meantime, I suppose I'll just attempt to keep myself busy.

Note: To all my pool guys, thanks for the other day...I had a really good time.

I'm off.

I've Never...

1. I've never gotten drunk.
2. I've never snowboarded.
3. I've never been to a drive in theatre.
4. I've never broken a bone.
5. I've never lived on my own.
6. I've never been skydiving(but hope to).
7. I've never bought my own furniture.
8. I've never had a sister even though I have four brothers.
9. I've never died my hair.
10. I've never had surgery.
11. I've never hated life.
12. I've never streaked my hair.
13. I've never watched a horror movie.
14. I've never liked dark chocolate.
15. I've never watched The Passion of the Christ(even though I have it)
16. I've never been able to stop when ice-skating.
17. I've never gone a day without drinking water.
18. I've never owned leather pants.
19. I've never read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
20. I've never made cookies without eating batter.
21. I've never played ice hockey.
22. I've never flown in a helicopter.
23. I've never driven a truck.
24. I've never liked raisins in baking.
25. I've never liked any food steamed.
26. I've never had a pet.
27. I've never watched The Apprentice.
28. I've never NOT liked reading.
29. I've never worn my mom's shoes.
30. I've never been on a missions trip(although I plan to, some day).
31. I've never had a car accident (thank God!)
32. I've never gotten a speeding ticket.
33. I've never liked dried fruit.
34. I've never been on a cruiseship.
35. I've never gone away to school.
36. I've never changed a tire.
37. I've never made pie.
38. I've never been to a chiropractor.
39. I've never been to South America.
40. I've never been to Australia.
41. I've never been to Africa.
42. I've never been to the dump.
43. I've never lost someone I loved.
44. I've never been broken-up with.
45. I've never been fired.
46. I've never loved anyone like I love my best friend.
47. I've never been in a physical fight, except with my brothers when I was young.
48. I've never worked in a foreign country.
49. I've never done a list like this before.
50. I never thought this list would end...

URBAN BATTLE 2005

Be elementz presents URBAN BATTLE 2005!

SHOW THE URBAN IN YOU AND JOIN THE BATTLE IN THE NAME OF CHARITY!

Showcase your rapping or dancing talents. Attractive prizes to be won.

Hip-hop shows by famous artists such as:
Teh Tarik Crew
KLG Sqwad
The Rebel Scum
Giler Battle

Date: 26th March 2005
Time: 6.30 pm - midnight
Venue: KDU Auditorium
Tickets: RM 15

Entry forms are available at the 1stop centre at the KDU PJ Campus.

Contact me if you have any questions or if you want to get hold of tickets. Do pass the word around and I hope to see you there...

Faith

This is what I was reading this morning and I found it absolutely interesting. Yes, it's a bit long, but I would say definately worth a read.

“I must talk in this chapter about what the Christians call Faith. Roughly speaking, the word Faith seems to be used by Christians in two senses or on two levels, and I will take them in turn. In the first sense it means simply Belief – accepting or regarding as true the doctrines of Christianity. That is fairly simple. But what does puzzle people – at least it used to puzzle me – is the fact that Christians regard faith in this sense as a virtue. I used to ask how on earth it can be a virtue – what is there moral or immoral about believing or not believing a set of statements? Obviously, I used to say, a sane man accepts or rejects any statement, not because he wants to or does not want to, but because the evidence seems to him good or bad. If he were mistaken about the goodness or badness of the evidence that would not mean he was a bad man, but only that he was not very clever, And if he thought the evidence bad but tried to force himself to believe in spite of it, that would be merely stupid.

Well, I think I still take that view. But what I did not see then – and a good many people do not see still – was this. I was assuming that if the human mind once accepts a thing as true it will automatically go on regarding it as true, until some real reason for reconsidering it turns up. In fact, I was assuming that the human mind is completely ruled by reason. But that is not so. For example, my reason is perfectly convinced by good evidence that anaesthetics do not smother me and that properly trained surgeons do not start operating until I am unconscious. But that does not alter the fact that when they have me down on the table and clap their horrible mask over my face, a mere childish panic begins inside me. I start thinking I am going to choke, and I am afraid they will start cutting me up before I am properly under. In other words, I lose my faith in anaesthetics. It is not reason that is taking away my faith: on the contrary, my faith is based on reason. It is my imagination and emotions. The battle is between faith and reason on one side and emotion and imagination on the other.

When you think of it you will see lots of instances of this. A man knows, on perfectly good evidence, that a pretty girl of his acquaintance is a liar and cannot keep a secret and ought not to be trusted: but when he finds himself with her his mind loses its faith in that bit of knowledge and he starts thinking, ‘Perhaps she’ll be different this time,' and once more makes a fool of himself and tells her something he ought not to have told her. His senses and emotions have destroyed his faith in what he really knows to be true. Or take a boy learning to swim. His reason knows perfectly well that an unsupported human body will not necessarily sink in water: he has seen dozens of people float and swim. But the whole question is whether he will be able to go on believing this when the instructor rakes away his hand and leaves him unsupported in the water – or whether he will suddenly cease to believe it and get in a fright and go down. Now just about the same thing happens about Christianity. I am not asking anyone to accept Christianity if his best reasoning tells him that the weight of the evidence is against it. That is not the point at which Faith comes in. But supposing a man’s reason once decides that the weight of the evidence is for it, I can tell that man what is going to happen to him in the next few weeks. There will come a moment when there is bad news, or he is in trouble, or is living among a lot of other people who do not believe it, and all at once his emotions will rise up and carry our a sort of blitz on his belief. Or else there will come a moment when he wants a woman, or wants to tell a lie, or feels very pleased with himself, or sees a chance of making a little money some way that is not perfectly fair; some moment, in fact, at which it would be very convenient if Christianity were not true. And once again his wishes and desires will carry out a blitz. I am not talking of moments at which any real new reasons against Christianity turn up. Those have to be faced and that is a different matter, I am talking about moments when a mere mood rises up against it.

Now Faith, in the sense in which I am here using the word, is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes, I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods ‘where they got off’, you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith.

The first step is to recognize the fact that your moods change, The next is to make sure that, if you have once accepted Christianity, then some of its main doctrines shall be deliberately held before your mind for some time every day. That is why daily prayers and religious readings and churchgoing are necessary parts of the Christian life. We have to be continually reminded of what we believe. Neither this belief nor any other will automatically remain alive in the mind. It must be fed. And as a matter of fact, if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?

Now I must turn to Faith in the second or higher sense: and this is the most difficult thing I have tackled yet. I want to approach it by going back to the subject of Humility. You may remember I said that the first step towards humility was to realize that one is proud. I want to add now that the next step is to make some serious attempt to practices the Christian virtues. A week is not enough. Things often go swimmingly for the first week. Try six weeks. By that time, having, as far one can see, fallen back completely or even fallen lower than the point one began from, one will have discovered some truths about oneself. No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptations means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to talk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptations after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means – the only complete realist. Very well, then. The main thing we learn from a serious attempt to practice the Christian virtues is that we fail. If there was any idea that God had set us a sort of exam and that we might get good marks by deserving them, that had to be wiped out. If there was any idea that God had set us a sort of bargain – any idea that we could perform our side of the contract and thus put God in our debt so that it was up to Him, in mere justice, to perform His side – that has to be wiped out.

I think every one who has some vague belief in God, until he becomes a Christian, has the idea of an exam or of a bargain in his mind. The first result of real Christianity is to blow that idea to bits. When they find it blows into bits, some people think this means that Christianity is a failure and give up. They seem to imagine that God is very simple-minded. In fact, of course, He knows all about this. One of the very things Christianity was designed to do was to blow this idea to bits. God had been waiting for the moment at which you discover that there is no question of earning a pass mark in this exam or putting Him in your debt.

Then comes another discovery. Every faculty you have, your power of thinking or of moving your limbs from moment to moment, is given you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to His service you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already. So that when we talk of a man doing anything for God or giving anything to God, I will tell you what it is really like. It is like a small child going to its father and saying, ‘Daddy, give me sixpence to buy you a birthday present.’ Of course, the father does, and he is pleased with the child’s present. It is all very nice and proper, but only an idiot would think that the father is sixpence to the good on the transaction. When a man has made these two discoveries God can really get to work. It is after this that real life begins. The man is awake now. We can now go on to talk of Faith in the second sense."

Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis

By Your Side

When the daylight's gone, & you're on your own
And you need a friend, just to be around
I will comfort you, I will take your hand
And I'll pull you through, I will understand
And you know that...

I'll be at your side
There's no need to worry
Together, we'll survive
Through the haste & hurry
I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone
And you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side

If life's standing still, and your soul's confused
And you cannot find what road to choose
If you make mistakes (make mistakes)
You can't let me down (let me down)
I will still believe (still believe)
I will turn around
And you know that

I'll be at your side
There's no need to worry
Together we'll survive
Through the haste & hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone
And you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side

I'll be at your side
I'll be at your side
You know that

I'll be at your side
There's no need to worry
Together we'll survive
Through the haste & hurry
I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone
You've got somewhere to go
'Coz I'm right there

I'll be at your side
I'll be right there for you
(Together we'll survive)
Through the haste & hurry
I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone
You've got somewhere to go
'Coz I'm at your side
Yeeeah, I'll be right there for you
I'll be right there for you yeah
I'm right at your side

Hope

The sky was all grey and cloudy when I awoke this morning. Another crummy day. It looked like one of those dreary days when the sun doesn't show it's face and rain patters gently the whole day creating an extremely damp mood. I normally like the rain but today didn't look too promising.

A while later, I was on my way to work. I peered out the window of the moving vehicle and to my surprise, I saw a patch of light in the sky. A clear patch where the sun was trying to peek out of. Then, my eye caught the beauty of the rays of sunlight streaming down from the misty sky. These rays weren't very obvious and one would have to look carefully to see it, but it was there nonetheless. The sun wasn't going to be left out...not today.

It's so easy to miss those few rays of sunlight and instead see the massive, solemn, overwhelming, grey sky. I'm glad I saw.

Rejected.

I feel like I don't belong. I did at one point in time, but I don't anymore. It's not a new feeling. I'm well aquainted with feeling sidelined. I want to run away...far away...

I look up to heaven and tears fill my eyes. How much of me is real? Where's the line separating the real from whats pretend? I don't even know anymore...it's all a blur.

Yet there is One who will accept me no matter what...but the thought of that crushes me even more. I do not deserve it. I do not deserve the hand that grasps mine and picks me up every time I fall; but He stays, and will stay forevermore...even when I don't belong.

It's gonna rain.

Patience

I've been quite worried these last few days. I have already been accepted to two of the three universities that I applied to, but I haven't heard anything from the third. Suddenly, sometime last week I got this email saying that my application couldn't be reviewed becuase it wasn't complete. A complete university application consists of the online application form and the documents mailed to the university, such as final college transcripts, standardized test scores, course outlines, letters of recommendation, etc. Assembling all these documents, translating them and getting all of these papers certified is a long, tedious process which is really dreadful. The last thing I wanted to do was repeat the whole process.

The university told me that my application wasn't complete because they didn't recieve the package I couriered. I went back to college, trying to track down the package, hoping that I wouldn't have to resend the whole thing. Fortunately, the UPS tracking showed that it had arrived in Greenville, South Carolina.

I emailed the admissions office, telling them the situation I was in. They hadn't got my package and it was way overdue. Fortunately, they were very sympathetic and requested that I fax over a copy of my transcripts becuase they needed to review it for admissions as time was running out. When it rains, it pours!!! The fax I sent wasn't clear. At this point in time, I was starting to think of just giving up all together. It was almost as if I wasn't meant to go there. But then...well, I had already put so much effort into the whole thing that I didn't want it to go to waste just because of the big waves.

Yesterday, I emailed my results to the admissions office and today I was prepared to fax another copy from a different fax machine. The bleak sky this morning sure didn't help the mood of things. I got to office and started checking my emails. Instantly, I spotted an email from the university. It read:

"Your application is complete and ready for evaluation. Thank you for your patience!"

The sun is out again...

IRoNy

I am amazed at the people who live in squatter villages in Malaysia. These people have built houses on government land illegally and thus do not pay any sort of rent. Their water and electricity supply is simply tapped out of a main line going to any nearby housing area. Looking at the condition of their houses, which consist of zinc roofs held up by planks of wood nailed together, one could only assume that these people are quite poor and that they live simple lifestyles.

This was my opinion at first, but after living in this country for a while, my view has changed.

Driving slowly past a squatter village, you don’t have to look too hard to spot the ASTRO satellites connected up to the walls of their shabby houses or the Proton Waja’s parked in their ‘driveways’. For people who can’t afford to pay rent for a legal house, they sure seem to live relatively comfortable lifestyles - comfortable yet contradictory. I find this really interesting.

Perhaps I shall study their culture once I am qualified in the area of sociology. Till then, I shall continue observing.

In the Still of the Night

A doorway for seeing what has passed, what is and what is to come. Is that what dreams are? A minute eyehole that gives us just a hint of supernatural powers? Dreams have always been a source of great interest to me. One of the chapters in my psychology class covered sleep and dreams. Since I learned that no one really knows where dreams come from and what they signify, I’ve always wanted to learn more.

Some believe that dreams are God’s way of speaking to us. Freud thought that it revealed our subconscious to us through symbolism. There have been and still are all sorts of theories on dreams but one thing that is agreed upon is the fact that at present, there is no one known reason for dreams.

Some people dream of what has happened in the past. This can be explained. It’s possible the individual is simply recalling memories of what has come to pass. I know of people who have had dreams of what will take place in the future…kind of like visions. A dream such as this would require interjection from some sort of authority figure because on our own, it is beyond our power to see into the future. Sometimes, dreams make no sense whatsoever…it just seems like our brain is working overtime while our bodies rest.

It’s a proven fact that we dream when we sleep – often multiple times in one night. The catch is whether we remember these dreams or not. Either way, we easily forget the dream/s shortly after we have awakened. Thus, I intend to preserve my dreams.

On my birthday, I got this diary/journal from a friend. The cover is made of a red cloth and has sequins and beautiful colored threads sewn into it. It’s glittery and gorgeous. This palm-sized, gypsy-looking book will be my dream journal from now on, as I intend to record my dreams in detail. At this point, I won’t attempt to draw any conclusions from my dreams. Instead, I will only observe and appreciate these dreams that I have.

Is Humanity Confused?

50% of marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce and arranged marriages generally last longer than 'love' marriages.

I was randomly pondering today, trying to figure out this phenomena. If two individuals love each other and get married, why is it that so many end up in divorces. Do they 'fall' out of love the same way they 'fell' in love? On the other hand, imagine two individuals in an arranged marriage. It's possible that they've never met before, yet why is it that that relationship lasts longer? Are we a bunch of beings who think we know what we want, but in reality are just confused?

Now I'm gonna relate this to families. You don't get to choose what family you are born into. You have absolutely no say on who your parents and siblings are gonna be, yet you are left with no other choice but to love each other even if you don't like each other...kind of the same as in an arranged marriage. Now, what happens if we were able to choose our parents and families like many of us choose our partner? Would the statistics for broken families be on the rise?

So, could we say that as humans, we generally make bad decisions when it comes to relationships? Are we just confused? I sure hope not...

Christian by Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean living."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

Author ~Maya Angelou~

OMIGOSH!!!

I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED TO BAYLOR UNIVERSITY!!!

Woohoo!!!
*Sigh*... Relief.

Now I've just gotta wait for the reply from Furman and then start making decisions. It's so relieving to hear from these universities. Finally there's some certainty. I'm happy today. Hearing this really made my day! Thank you God!!!

My Very Own Tagboard

Due to 'popular demand', I have decided to include a tagboard on my page. It's up and working now. If there are any other ways I can improve my page, do feel free to share. Thanks you guys...

What Day Is It?

If the day before two days after the day before tomorrow is Monday, what day is today?